Something mediocre RELEASED IN 1971 and directed by Andrew V. McLaglen, "Something Big" is a tongue-in-cheek Western starring Dean Martin as aging outlaw, Joe Baker, who unknowingly kidnaps the wife (Honor Blackman) of a cavalry commander (Brian Keith) in order to obtain a Gatling gun from a scumbag gunrunner (Albert Salmi). Ben Johnson plays a scout while Carol White appears as the wannabe fiancé of Baker. The title refers to ‘something big’ that Joe Baker is supposed to do before retiring from outlawry with several of the characters citing the line; a quaint idea, but it’s not funny and gets old after a while. The opening act is a dud with nothing stimulating happening to draw the viewer into the story. There are several curious props (a skeleton, a dog, bagpipes and a peg leg), but they fail to stir much interest. Things finally perk up in the second half, but not enough to save the movie. One huge problem is the idea that this antihero we’re supposed to like is engaged in something way too unsavory (kidnaping the innocent wife to offer to the odious gunrunner, which amounts to slavery). Martin was able to get away with this type of character in the excellent “Bandolero!” (1968) because his crimes weren’t so abhorrent; not so here. There are some good bits, however, like the two man-hungry women living in the remote wilderness (Joyce Van Patten & Judi Meredith). Nevertheless, it’s obvious why “Something Big” has been condemned to cinematic obscurity, never being released to VHS and barely making it to DVD in 2012. THE MOVIE RUNS 1 hour 48 minutes and was shot in Durango, Mexico. WRITER: James Lee Barrett. GRADE: C